The phrase: “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional” holds much truth.

The idea sits at the heart of many spiritual and philosophical traditions, hinting that within the sting of life's challenges lies a strange kind of power.

Let's unpack this idea.

Pain: The Unavoidable Part

We're not built for perpetual comfort. Disappointment, loss, heartbreak, and physical pain are just part of the fabric of human existence.

The truth is: You’re gonna stub your toe, get a paper cut, and get hit by the occasional car while out for a morning jog. (All of which have happened to me more times than I’d prefer).

It's a tough pill to swallow, but fighting this reality only amplifies our troubles.

While pain is natural, suffering is like an extended painful stay at the “Red Roof Inn.” (Or perhaps I’m the only one who doesn’t care for this cheap motel?)

It's the mental replaying of situations, the "what if's", the obsessive analysis, and the relentless self-criticism.

We add layers of emotional and mental anguish onto the initial hurt, turning a fleeting wound into a constant state of being.

Why do we do this? So often, we suffer unwillingly.

There's a peculiar comfort in the familiar, even when that familiarity is rooted in pain.

Here's why we get stuck:

The Misunderstanding of Healing: We think that wallowing actually lets us process pain. In reality, obsessive rumination prevents healing.
Identity Crisis: Sometimes our narratives become tied to our pain. We build an identity as a victim or someone perpetually wronged, making it difficult to let go.
Fear of the Unknown: Suffering, as awful as it is, feels predictable. Letting go means stepping into the unknown, which can be terrifying.

So, can we choose not to suffer? It's not about flipping a switch and becoming emotionally invulnerable.

Here's a more realistic approach:

Acknowledge and Accept: Resisting pain only makes it stronger. When the hurt arises, name it clearly: "This is disappointment," "This is fear," "This is grief." Acceptance isn't resignation; it's merely letting reality be what it is.
Observe Your Mind: Notice how your mind spins a story around the pain. Are you blaming yourself, catastrophizing, dwelling on past injustices? Simply watch these thoughts without judgment.
Shift Your Focus: Where attention goes, energy flows. Counter the negativity with intentional appreciation: a sliver of beauty, a moment of kindness, or the feeling of breath in your body. This doesn't erase the suffering, but it loosens its grip.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you would to a friend who is suffering. Notice the harsh self-talk and consciously replace it with understanding.

The Takeaway:

As Nazi internment camp survivor, Viktor Frankl famously wrote in Man’s Search for Meaning, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

This isn't a magic solution to eliminate all of your pain and suffering; that would be unrealistic.

But it is about consciously choosing your relationship with pain.

It's about denying suffering its power to consume you and breaking free little by little. 🙂